no, he came in my armpit
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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