okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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