I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
