Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
