she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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