I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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