Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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