Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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