I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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