The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize