We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
