in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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