We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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