Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
