never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize