why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
