Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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