Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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