I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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