i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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