# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
