I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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