dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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