If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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