ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
