the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
