The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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