around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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