somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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