I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
