It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I need a beard to bite.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
