Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have feelings that need drinking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
