I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
