I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
