I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
