Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
