why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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