Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize