know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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