thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
