My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
