I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
