I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
tell me about the eggs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
