Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
