I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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