he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
