i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
