it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
