Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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