Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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