Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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