just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
