"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize