My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
