Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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