She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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