so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
