what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
