The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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