I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
