Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
