I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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