just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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