do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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