i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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