Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
