Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
