i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize