M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it glows. i had to have it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
