Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
