This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
