As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
