Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
