I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
