He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
